The Office Performance Review Photo on Jims Desk
Performance Review - The Office (Season two, Episode 8)
Original Air Date: November 15, 2005 
Jan leaves Michael a vague business related voicemail and he wants to scruntinize and clarify and get the thoughts of the employees. Knowing what they say volition affect the outcome of their functioning review, the employees play forth and tell Michael exactly what he wants to hear.
With the exception of the terminate of "Casino Night" this is my all time, so far, favorite bit of the testify. Dwight is harassing Jim and giving him bad advice for his performance review. Jim giving information technology correct back, frustrates Dwight and he says "You know what, I'm going to zone you lot out for the balance of the day. I need to stay focused. And I don't have to see you lot tomorrow or Lord's day. Please don't call me and we'll see how things go on Monday."
Immediately Jim looks up with a bright eyed expression of sheer joy. (In case yous don't know, it's Thursday not Friday) He nigh can't stand information technology. You tin can experience his excitement.
Jim tells his plot to Pam and they continue to piece of work on that for the rest of the day.
The office continues to theorize what happend between Michael and January.
Michael worried well-nigh his ain review brings back the suggestion box as a manner to have ideas about the branch to tell January.
Suggestions made:
- What should nosotros do to prepare for Y2K?
- Nosotros need better outreach for employees fighting depression
- Yous need to exercise something nigh your B.O.
- You lot need to exercise something about your coffee breath
- Used gum wrapped in a piece of paper.
- Don't sleep with your dominate
Michael continues to press January for a reason why she doesn't want to run across him anymore. She tells him it's because he's rude, stupid, obnoxious, and inconsiderate and she isn't in a place right at present to have a human relationship.
Oddly enough, Michael feels better near himself.
On Friday, Dwight was very late to piece of work thinking information technology was Saturday.
Pam and Jim are very proud of themselves.
Best Funny Quotes From The Office - Performance Review
| bouncing on an exercise ball You should get one of these. |  |
 | No. Cheers. |
| Do you even know what this is? It is a fitness orb and it has completely changed my life. Forget everything you thought you knew about ab workouts. | |
| | Washed. |
| This ab workout is specifically designed to strengthen your core. knocks things around Jim'south desk Sad. | |
| | S'ok. |
| Numerous wellness benefits, strengthens your back, better performance in sports, more than enjoyable sex. | |
| | You lot're not having sex. |
| Plus, improves your reflexes knocks over more than stuff meet, I would have caught that. | |
| | Ok, you know what, uh, how much is that? |
| Information technology'due south but twenty-5 bucks. | |
| | Wow. Um, ok. pops Dwight'due south orb with scissors |
| Pam, could I see you lot in my role? |  |
 | Information technology's operation review twenty-four hours, company-wide. Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were, and it ended with him telling me he could bench-printing 190 pounds. So, I don't really know what to expect. |
| Pam, you're trustworthy- | |
| | Thanks. |
| And a adult female- | |
| | Oh, no. |
| And I want yous to mind to a voicemail from my boss. Jan on recording "Michael, information technology'due south January. I judge I missed yous. I'll, uh, be at that place this afternoon for performance reviews. I promise it's understood that that will be our only topic of discussion. See you presently." First impressions? | |
| | Uh, just off the top… I think she'll be hither this afternoon. |
| My boss is coming in today, the lovely Jan Levinson-Gould will, well, no Gould. The Gould has been makes slashing cervix hand motion swack, divorced. Um, the awkward part is that this will be the first time that we'll be seeing each other since, well, uh, it was really nothing. Nosotros simply sort of got caught up in the moment. The vulnerable divorcee gives herself to the understanding, with rugged practiced-looks, part manager. Merely, uh, she didn't desire information technology to continue for some reason. It, we both, I didn't want it, we both didn't desire it to continue. Was not professional. Um, when people say something's mutual, it never is. But this was mutual. | |
| | playing Jan's message "I guess I missed you." I guess I missed you. So, she misses me? |
| She missed you lot. | |
| | But then she goes on to say "that will exist our merely topic of discussion". That doesn't mean anything, those are merely words. |
| I have one idea of what it ways. | |
| | Ok. Yeah, what, what? |
| Well I don't think y'all're gonna be very happy with this. | |
| | Ohhh, slap-up. Well, at present I'm in a terrible mood. Allow's do your performance review- |
| Considering she'south conflicted. She has to be professional person, but she's fighting feelings… for you lot. | |
| | Ah, why, that's great news? That, that, then why would, why would I not like that? |
| Um, just cause, that, you work together, and it might be awkward. | |
| | Oh, wow, wow. Alright, let's listen to that once again. plays Jan's message "Michael, it'southward Jan. I guess I missed you". |
| Oh, hey, mind, Jim. Here'due south a little tip for your performance review. | |
| | Ok. |
| Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders. | |
| | We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders. |
| Oh, yes, we do. | |
| | No, we don't. |
| Yep, it's a new product. So, you should simply suggest that to him and he'll be sure to requite you a enhance. | |
| | Alright… well, I'm not request for a raise. I'm gonna really be request for a pay subtract. |
| Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you? | |
| | I win. |
| Ugh, you know what? I am going to zone you out for the rest of today. I need to stay focused, and I don't have to come across you tomorrow or Dominicus and please don't phone call me, and we'll see how things keep Monday. Uh, stupid. | |
| | Wait, wait; one thing. Uh, by tomorrow, you mean Sat, right? |
| Uh, duh. | |
| | Duh. |
| Today is Th. Merely Dwight thinks that information technology's Fri. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon. | |
 | Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words. |
| Actually? | |
| | Oh, yes. Permit'southward listen to information technology again. And this time, really listen to the pauses. |
| God, Stanley, that's frickin' bright. How do you know that? Did you lot learn that on the streets? Lamentable. | |
| | Oh, no, that'southward ok. I did acquire it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact. |
| No kidding. | |
| | It's all almost my bonus. |
| Michael and Jan definitely made out. | |
| | Ohh… |
| Perhaps more. | |
| | Eck!… Oh! As well, it is Thursday, just Dwight thinks it's Friday. And then, keep that goin'. |
| Oh, yea! | |
| | Good work, Stanley. Corking performance review. Stanley in the firm, everybody. Woo! Angela, your turn. |
| I really look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit. And I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold upwardly very well to even severe scrutiny. |  |
| | Michael? |
| Yep? | |
| | January's on the phone for y'all. |
| Oh; Angela, you lot were totally satisfactory this year. | |
| | Interesting. Jan is calling me. Maybe it wasn't so mutual after all. puts January on speakerphone Yeah? |
| Michael. |  |
| | Jan! To what do I owe this pleasance? |
| I am returning your many calls. | |
| | Well, hi to y'all, too. Um, yeah, I was simply um, I but wanted to become some closure on uh, what transpired betwixt united states at the coming together we had in the parking lot of the Chili's. |
| No. No, we won't exist discussing that, Michael. The only things I wanna talk well-nigh during your performance review are your physical ideas to improve your branch. | |
| | Well, surely this uh, review is a formality because of what happened uh, at our coming together in the parking lot of Chili'due south. |
| Uh, your review is anything but a formality, Michael. | |
| | Oh. |
| I expect yous to forget anything that you think may take happened between us and showroom completely professional behavior. | |
| | Been thinking nearly you. |
| Ok, that is an example of completely unprofessional behavior. | |
| | Um, I don't see how that's unprofessional. Merely- |
| Michael. | |
| | Yep. |
| Are the cameras with you lot… | |
| | No. |
| …in your office? | |
| | They are not. Aye, they are. January hangs upwards That's my girlfriend. |
| I heard they fabricated out and had sex activity. |  |
 | No, they merely fabricated out. That's it. |
| Well, I heard they fabricated out and had sex. | |
| | Don't talk about information technology. Function romances are nobody's business but the people involved. |
| Romances? | |
| | Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a articulate memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance you wrote any of my ideas downwards? In a binder? A "Michael-idea" binder? |
| Lamentable. | |
| | That's unfortunate. How 'bout the proposition box? There's tons of ideas in there. |
| What suggestion box? | |
| | The suggestion box that I put out, and people could exist put in suggestions anonymously? Maybe in that location'southward prizes? |
| Oh, yeah. Uh, I remember I remember that from dorsum from when I offset started. | |
| | Why don't you find it and tell people to get theirs… never heed, I'll tell them. How-do-you-do, everybody? Yeah, uh, attention, delight. Jan Levinson'due south coming, very soon, so, we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting, and so you can all become your constructive compliments in a.s.a.p. |
| Don't you mean constructive criticism? |  |
| | What did I say? |
| You said "effective complements"; that doesn't make any sense. |  |
| | Well, Kelly, that was neither effective nor a compliment, and then perhaps you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions. 'One thousand? |
| on telephone Hey, Dan, this is Jim, and it is most 11:15, and I wanted to know what you lot were upwardly to tomorrow, which is the fifteenth, and that is a… | |
| | Saturday. |
| pumps fist …Saturday, and so just allow me know what you're doing tomorrow, Sabbatum, for tiffin. Ok, talk to yous soon. | |
| | on phone Nosotros'll accost this in the meeting then. Ok. Ok, farewell-bye. to Pam Could you please tell Michael that I'one thousand here? |
| Certain. | |
| | How-do-you-do, Jan. How are you? |
| I'm good; how are you? | |
| | Expert to run across you. |
| Nice to come across y'all. | |
| | Ok. tries to kiss Jan's manus Ok, why don't we just step into my office? We're gonna go in here. |
| Tin can nosotros please go in your role? | |
| | Aye, right after you. Apres-vous. mouths to Pam No calls. |
| Oooo. | |
| | Alright takes January'due south coat. |
| Thank you. | |
| | It's nice to meet you. |
| Overnice to meet you lot also, Michael. | |
| | Really? |
| Non similar that. | |
| | Oh, well. |
| You know Michael, I think I need to make something articulate right off the top. I'm non going to discuss annihilation with you other than Dunder-Mifflin business. | |
| | Alright. |
| Period. | |
| | Yep. |
| Exercise we understand each other. | |
| | Absolutely. |
| I'm a little confused. 'Cause starting time it'due south all like kissy-kissy. And then it's similar all regret. Considering "Oh, I regret that." But, "Wait, I'm still gonna telephone call you." But, but, "Nosotros're just gonna talk concern. And I may come downward and fire you if yous don't do your job." But what were talking about when we first kissed? Business organisation. | |
| | And then are you still in the eye of the performance reviews then? |
| No, no, no, I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like wham-bam-thank ya ma'am. But I practice say thank ya ma'am. Only, I'm, I'one thousand not like wham-bam. Non that there'due south anything incorrect with wham-bam. If it's consensual. cold Jan stare We're talking nearly office stuff. Can I inquire you a question? | |
| | No. |
| This is a business organization question. It'south nothing personal, I promise. | |
| | Fine. |
| Are you wearing a new perfume today? | |
| | How is that a business question? |
| Well, y'all're wearing it at the office. And smells January it, I'm pitiful, merely no offense, but it's actually sexy. | |
| | Please don't odour me, Michael. |
| Hey, Jim. | |
| | Hey, how's it goin'? |
| Oh my God, did you lot see "The Apprentice" terminal night? | |
| | Course, it's on every Thursday nighttime, so how could I miss information technology? |
| Can you lot believe who Trump fired? | |
| | No, that was unbelievable. |
| Who? Who was it? Who did he fire? | |
| | You lot didn't see it? |
| No, I went out and got boozer with my light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation tag squad terminal nighttime. Crap! I never get out on a Th nighttime; what the hell was I thinking? | |
| | I don't understand- phone rings Hold on. Sorry. answers Yep, Pam. |
| Michael, information technology'south time for the suggestion box coming together. | |
| | I'yard kind of in the middle of something. I wish y'all wouldn't interrupt. |
| You lot told me to fizz you nigh the suggestion box meeting when Jan was here. | |
| | I did not, not, non apply those words. |
| Uh, I'd like to sit in on that meeting to Pam is it happening right now? | |
| | No, it'due south in like ten minutes. |
| Everyone'southward waiting in the conference room. | |
| | Great. Very good. |
| Why are we here? Because I value your opinions. At present, I know a lot of don't retrieve that I read your suggestions, merely I do. I just sift through them every week and I really look and scrutinize to see what you guys are writing. Um, so, let's, uh, just read some of these suckers. Alright. Number 1: "What should we do to fix for Y2K?" | |
| | What should we practice to fix for Y2K? |
| I idea you read these every week. | |
| | Well, obviously this one got stuck in the box. to Jan That happens occasionally. |
| It happens occasionally. | |
| | And, um, one down. Next proposition: "we need better outreach for employees fighting depression". Ok, alright, enough with the jokes. Nobody in hither is suffering from depression. |
| That sounds serious, Michael. | |
| | Oh, ok, well, yeah, who wrote it? |
| Tom? | |
| | Tom. Then it is a joke because there is nobody in here named Tom. |
| Tom? He worked in accounting up until well-nigh a year ago. blank stares Tom? acts like she's shooting herself in the caput Pow. |  |
| | Oh, that guy? That guy was weird. Alright, next proposition. |
| Next proposition. | |
| | Arrr, dooby dooby do. "You need to do something nigh your B.O." |
| You need to do something about your B.O. | |
| | Ok, I don't know who this suggestion is meant for, but it's more of a personal proffer and it'southward not an office suggestion. Far be information technology for me to use this every bit a platform to embarrass anybody. |
| Aren't the suggestions meant for you? |  |
| | Well, Toby, if past me you lot are inferring that I have B.O., then I would say that is a very poor selection of words. |
| Uh, Michael, he wasn't inferring, he was implying. Yous were inferring. |  |
| | Was I, Creed?! Ok, well, you know what? I am implying is that when we're on an elevator together, I should maybe take the stairs, because talk about stank. Non that I would e'er say something similar that in public, and I never have, and I never will. I just think information technology's something that nosotros should all be aware of. Ok? Now that we've learned this, allow's keep. See, this is good, we're learning and we're figuring some stuff out. "You demand to practice something about your coffee breath"- |
| Y'all need- | |
| | Ok. |
| To practice something nearly- | |
| | Close upward, close up, shut up, Dwight, OK. I don't call back you people are grasping the concept of the suggestion box. |
| Sometimes you talk to united states of america real close. | |
| | Yeah, is that hard for y'all? Alright, well- |
| Well, when you have coffee jiff- | |
| | I'll piece of work on that- |
| It's hard. | |
| | Let'due south go on going. Go along it going. Yeah. What do we take here? Nosotros have somebody'due south slice of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in at that place. This is non a, a garbage can, this is the hereafter of our visitor. This is not a identify for gum. I don't wanna have to read these tomorrow. |
| Yeah, who wants to come in on a Saturday? | |
| | Yeah, what? Uh, alright, next suggestion. |
| Next suggestion. | |
| | "Don't sl-", ok, that's bare Dwight picks up note Don't, but put it- |
| "Don't sleep with your boss"? Do yous think this is referring to you boning Jan? | |
| | I can't, I can't- |
| I don't understand why you lot're and so upset. | |
| | Please sit down down. |
| Let me ask you- | |
| | You're gonna sit here and I'm gonna go sit down over at that place. |
| Ok, permit me ask you this. | |
| | Delight, sit yourself down. |
| Permit me inquire you something. | |
| | What, Michael. |
| Where did you get your outfit? | |
| | loud metallic music playing in a stairwell; Dwight pacing Yous are giving me this raise! I deserve this raise! plays air guitar Yes! kicks Yes! Yep! Hiya! The least you lot can do is keep my salary consistent with inflation! Keeya eyah! Aye! Why are you gonna give me this enhance? Why? Because… I'm awesome! I am awesome! |
| I just don't understand why you have to pretend like nothing happened. | |
| | Because cypher did, Michael. It, I'yard not going to say anything more than about it, and I would suggest that you practise the same |
| Expect- | |
| | Michael? |
| Oh my God… | |
| | I'm sorry, am I interrupting? Oh God; were you guys making out? |
| No, Dwight; come in. | |
| | Not bad. |
| What do yous want Dwight? | |
| | I am set for my performance review. |
| Ok, cracking. Your operation has been adequate. You may get out; goodbye. | |
| | Is this how y'all've been conducting all the reviews, Michael? |
| You wanna talk at present, good; OK, Dwight, leave. | |
| | Uh, look, I would like to discuss my raise? |
| Why on earth would nosotros give you a raise? | |
| | That is an first-class question. Cheers for asking. Allow me bring up i word: dedication. points to graphs I accept never been tardily. Also, I take never missed a day due to affliction. Michael sighs Fifty-fifty when I had walking pneumonia. I even come up in on holidays. |
| You do? How do you get in? | |
| | I have a re-create of your cardinal. |
| That'southward a serious criminal offense! | |
| | That is a serious offense. Very serious. As is toying with a man'southward centre. |
| Oh! Michael, for God sakes! | |
| | I'd as well further similar to talk most my claim in the workplace. |
| Ok, third bicycle, why don't y'all do that? | |
| | For instance, the time I brought in deer jerky for the whole function. |
| That was deer!? Gross, oh! | |
| | Y'all liked information technology! |
| Oh, did non! | |
| | Jan, have you lot ever had deer? |
| No. | |
| | It's a delicacy. And you know what? It's an aphrodisiac. So when we're done here, you guys could go over to The Antler Lodge, sample some deer and talk about my heighten. |
| What do yous say, Jan? | |
| | Ok! Here's what I'm gonna do: I'yard gonna stride outside, collect my thoughts, and I will render in about x minutes. |
| Ok. You just, uh, clear your head. | |
| | Dwight opens door Give thanks you, Dwight. |
| Await, I know it's your job, I know you accept to inquire, but I promise you, I'm not gonna discuss information technology with him, I'm certainly not gonna discuss it with you. digs a cigarette out of her purse Do you accept a low-cal? | |
| | And in decision, I think that Lex Luthor said information technology best when he said "Dad, you take no idea what I'm capable of". |
| That'south from Superman? | |
| | Smallville. And that is why, I feel, that I deserve this heighten. |
| Do you call up Michael and January really… | |
| | I don't really wanna picture information technology. But cheers, Pam. |
| How do y'all come back from that? | |
| | Um, y'all don't, I don't call up, come all the way back, y'all know. Especially working together. |
| No, I mean doing that with Michael. How do you come back from that? | |
| | Oh- |
| Every bit a homo being. | |
| | Aye, no, I don't remember you can. |
| I'g heading dorsum to New York; Alan and I will bear your performance review over the phone tomorrow. | |
| | Wait. |
| 'One thousand? | |
| | Await, wait, wait, come, I just, I only wanna know why? |
| Michael, now is not the time or the identify. | |
| | Ok, then you're saying that there is a different fourth dimension or identify? |
| No, I am proverb nosotros are never having this conversation. | |
| | Well, ok, well never every bit in 'never ever ever', or never as in there'south still a gamble? |
| Never, for me, e'er means 'never ever ever.' | |
| | I just want to know, from the horse'south rima oris, what is the dealio? |
| Michael, it has null- | |
| | Am I too short? |
| With your looks, ok? It's your personality. I mean, you lot're obnoxious, and rude, and, and, and stupid, and yous do accept coffee jiff, by the mode, and, and I don't concur about the b.o., simply you are very, very inconsiderate. | |
| | Really? |
| Really. You're, you're, you lot're a great guy, ok? | |
| | I appreciate that, cheers. |
| And you lot were very sugariness, and y'all stayed upwardly with me and talked with me, cried with me, and I appreciate that- | |
| | No, I wasn't, I didn't weep- |
| At this time in my life. I merely am not in the place right now where I'1000 looking for a human relationship, so we tin can still work together, we tin can still be friends but… ok? | |
| | So my looks have cypher to do with it? |
| Ohhh, God. | |
| | January is non in a place where she feels she tin have a human relationship right now. And information technology doesn't matter how bully a guy I am. And that is all I needed; I'm skilful. I tin can go habitation now. |
| Hey, it'south 12:20; where the hell's Dwight? | |
| | Ummm… no idea. |
| Never missed a solar day, my ass. | |
| | Jim bows to Pam; she bows back Thank you. |
| running through parking lot I'm here! I'm hither! I'm here! It's ok! | |
Source: https://the-office-tv-show.com/Episodes/Season2/PerformanceReview.aspx
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